The Phantom Calls For Cable
by WillowRose26
Summary: Erik calls for cable due to boredom.An ode to all of those who have dealt with cable people.


**The Phantom Calls For Cable (1/1)**

**Author:WillowRose**

**Rating:PG-13 for Erik's frustration**

**Summary:Erik wants to move at least into the 20th century with more than 3 channels and rabbit ears.**

**Distribution:Let's see…Café Caritas,Casa de Caritas,Angel or Phantom.Prolly more places-I like to show off.Want it?Just ask,so I know where Erik is traveling.**

**Special thanks to:Everyone who has given me feedback.You guys are great!**

**Dedicated to:Anyone who has had to deal with Cox Cable,Direct Tv and the like.**

**Disclaimer:I don't own any of these people or products.Including Kristen,although she is based on several people I've encountered in customer service land.As for Erik…he's there inside my mind g> .**

**(A/N):Please don't get mad at me for picking on Raul.I actually like him,I'm just thinking of what Erik would say and do.**

**Erik was flopped down on his beautiful red velvet chaise lounge.**

"**Bored,bored,bored.Nothing to do,"he mumbled out loud.He called Christine.She was at ballet practice.He called Madame Giry;she was _teaching_ the ballet class.He even stooped so low as to call Raul the fop,but once he started snging in Erik's ear,he hung up.He had read every book in his lair at least three times.And he had writer's block so he couldn't compose the music of the night,day,brunch,or any other time.**

**Finally an idea hit him,and he jumped for the phone book.Flipping through the pages,he found exactly what he wanted.He punched the numbers into the phone and waited.**

"**Good afternoon,and thank you for calling InDirect TV.This is Kristen.MayI have your home telephone number starting with your area code?"Erik gave his number to the young woman.**

"**Thank you.I see we don't have your number in our data base.Would you like to order InDirect TV today?"Kristen asked cheerfully.**

**Erik nodded into the phone."Yes I would.I need to do more than compose music and crank call the fop."**

**Kristen laughed."Ok then,sir,I need to take some information from you.Name?"**

**The process of giving all his personal information took Erik less than five minutes.He was happy at how things were going so far.Until…**

"**Ok…now that the formalities are out of the way,I need to ask you what channels you want."Erik could almost see Kristen's fingers poised at the ready to type in his order.**

"**Well,I'll need a channel that has classical music.Maybe some news,so I know what's going on in the outside world.Do you have that?"Erik asked hopefully.**

"**We sure do!In fact,we have a special going on that gives you the Dead Composers channel,the Antarctica News channel,the Alien Reality TV channel,AND the B Movie channel.As a special bonus this month,we're also throwing in the Child Stars Turned Bad channel free of charge.How does that sound,Erik?"**

**Erik was in heaven.Finally,something to do besides listen to Fop Radio every time he talked to Raul."Sign me up!"he shouted joyfully to Kristen.**

"**Ok Erik.Almost done.Now,did you want this in BP TV ?"Kristen was typing away at her keyboard,no doubt thinking of going out on the town with her commission from this sale.**

"**What is BP TV?"Erik asked.**

"**BP TV is Better Picture TV.Kinda like High Definition,but a bit more expensive and cheaper quality."**

"**Err…"**

"**Or maybe you want Divo?"she prodded.**

"**Wha?"**

"**That's for recording TV programs and movies and pausing live TV.Much like Tivo,although with Divo,the box records the shows it thinks you want to watch.You can't program it for your own shows."Kristen giggled."Isn't it great?You don't even have to think to watch TV-the box does it for you!"**

"**Madame,I don't think this is for me.Thank you for your time,"Erik said flatly,and hung up.As he set the reciever down,he heard,"But wait!I didn't even tell you about Pay More To View".**

**Erik sighed as he flopped back on his red velvet chaise lounge.He looked at his TV longingly,then looked at the phone and sighed.**

"**Oh well,"he thought to himself,picking up the handset and dialing,at least I don't have to pay to crank call the fop…."**


End file.
